How do you identify a narcissistic partner in relationships? Can a relationship survive and thrive?
I’m frequently asked this question while sitting across from a client in such sadness because their partner is no longer available. Either there’s been an affair, or a shut-down/shut-off experience, and the client is looking for some understanding to navigate the pain they’re in. Also, quite frequently, the person sitting across from me is very invested in what I call the Caretaker role.
Narcissist |ˈnärsəsəst| noun a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves: narcissists who think the world revolves around them | narcissists preening themselves in front of the mirror. I have found that the Caretaker is the Narcissist’s dream relationship partner. Simply because the Caretaker is invested in taking care of everything, and truly everything. While the Narcissist is very invested in being completely focused on, and therefore, taken care of, completely.
Then, one day the Caretaker awakens to their feelings of wanting to be focused on and loved, and says to themselves, “Self, I’m exhausted. I’m going to start making our relationship about both of us and ask my partner for support.” This is simply NOT going to happen with a Narcissist. They’ll be confused and start with the language of the Narcissist which sounds like, “what do you mean you’re not happy? I am focused on you. I do give you attention. Why do you want to change our happy and perfect relationship?” And rightfully so, as you, their caretaker, have been absolutely brilliant at focusing on their every need, and therefore pleasing their every need. When the Narcissist begins to see that you’re serious and actually do want these changes, they’ll begin to feel abandoned by you, simply because you will have stopped taking care of their every need.
However, what does a Narcissist do with abandonment? They just let go and move on to the next Caretaker who WILL BE FOCUSED on them, as you once were. And once they get the message that they’re not your focus, there’s no turning back for a Narcissist. They do not know how to navigate abandonment, which may be the actual path that brought them into this very difficult struggle in the first place. You triggered the abandonment button when you decided to look for an equal, loving relationship partner.
If this resonates, then please, all you Caretakers of which there are so many, please begin to speak what you actually ARE feeling… always. This is the key to successful, happy, loving relationships – the KEY. Especially at the beginning of every relationship. Say that the person you’re dating wants to grab a pizza and you happen to dislike pizza. Please say, “no, thank you.” If they insist on going without you, then let them and have a conversation at that moment about how you are okay with them going. However, let them know that you noticed your abandonment button has been triggered. If they’re open to a conversation about this trigger, hang out with them. There’s hope. If they’re not available, run!
You will then attract into your life a love who is available to nurture your heart, as you are now available to nurture their’s. Love is truly so very yummy when we are invested in speaking truth. Always.
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Maryann’s journey from her many years of emergency nursing to alternative healing has included Massage Therapy and Reflexology education at the Polarity Realization Center in Portland, Maine and advanced training in CranioSacral Therapy at the Upledger Institute of Palm Beach Gardens, Florida. She is also a Reiki Master/Teacher and enjoyed teaching the Doctors, Nurses and Volunteers of Southern Maine Hospice Center Reiki Level l. Her greatest gifts as an Intuitive were re-awakened through her studies of Intuition Therapy and Soul Readings with renowned healer and author, Rosalie Deer Heart. Rosalie’s support and nurturance brought Maryann to an experience of awakening peacefully to her gifts, which she now enjoys sharing worldwide in her very busy practice. Visit her website for additional information.