Why is it so difficult for a strong, independent woman to fall in love?
You are a successful, capable, talented, and independent woman with so much to offer the world and certainly a relationship. So why, then, is it so difficult when you meet a man, to get things flowing and moving in the direction of a serious relationship and commitment? Why can’t you bring him on board with you?
If you have gotten to a certain level of independence and success, you’ve got great control over your life. You have to have it in order to be where you are.
The problem is that when we have too much control over things in our world we cannot open up to receive and allow a man to feel the way he needs to feel around us.
We are blocking love with our need for control.
To fall in love, we must face our vulnerabilities in their rawest form. We must look our fears right in the eye.
We must take that last step off of stable land and jump down that rabbit hole.
We are often unprepared to face our fears and vulnerabilities.
We are unaware of what it takes to walk through to the other side.
We do things to sabotage early relationships because we cannot get these emotions of fear under control;
We do not know how to tame or manage them.
These emotions come out sidewise.
They come out strong and threatening to a man.
We act in ways backed by self-preservation.
We may lash out, or we simply cannot stand to sit idly by, and sit with ourselves.
So we take action.
We may chase or direct a man and try to drive the relationship.
We take away the space that he needs to come toward us.
We push away the very thing that we want so badly in our lives: To be loved, honored, cherished, and adored.
We may not be aware of our fears driving us but this is why we try to control him.
If he is not working under our control we push him out of our worlds subconsciously or knowingly.
We feel lost and alone.
We do not know how to get him back for another chance.
Often, we cannot.
Ladies, when it’s time for love to come, you must break down the barriers that hide you.
You must break down your walls and let him in.
You must lean back in order to receive.
Let go of your plans and your protection and allow things to play out as they were meant to… or not meant to.
We all must jump down the rabbit hole of deep intimacy to fall in love.
Our wounds come to the surface.
Our defenses set in.
We can play the victim.
Drama can set in.
Be aware of your triggers and prepare yourself to walk through to the other side
You must take the risk to get the reward.
Be soft and warm and self-caring.
Let his energy flow naturally toward you and away from you without grasping for it.
Realize we have no control anyhow!
Our perceived sense of feeling in control is an illusion.
You have more control in controlling less.
You gain more strength when you let go and allow for him and his energy to flow to you.
Here are some steps to alleviate relationship-crushing control:
Work on Your Mindset. When we come from a scarcity approach to dating and relationships, our behaviors manifest accordingly. Even though we are so independent and capable, when faced with a new relationship we are so afraid to lose, our energy becomes clingy and needy and not compelling to him. Keep new energies flowing into your world and keep your world in-tact as it was before he entered. Find ways to keep the perspective that this is only one man, one possibility, and there are many more in this abundant world.
Lean Back. Allow for him and his energies to flow toward you while you learn to receive attention, affection, and adoration from a man. The energy exchange should not be equal. This is the time where he will show you how he will make your world a better place, bringing smiles and comfort. Simply stay present and enjoy him and give back with your appreciation. Trust that the right one will continue to pursue a relationship with you.
Let Him Lead. Allow him to lead the relationship and allow yourself to follow if you find that this relationship will work to you. Know in advance what you want and which behaviors you will or won’t tolerate. Realize that a man and his good qualities are meaningless to you unless he is leading and taking things further down the road toward love and commitment. Do not take action to further the relationship. He wants it to be his idea.
Be Conscious. Be aware that old wounds come up as we move toward the shared vulnerability necessary for deep love to occur. Be kind to yourself and accepting. If childlike feelings come about, recognize them and accept them. Figure out what’s underneath it and express it in a mature, loving way. Have compassion for his triggers and your own. Take time to sit with yourself, alone, when you are feeling unrest inside. Feel your feelings and try to understand them. Do not act out dramatically or express things in hurtful ways, which can be be very damaging and obstructing to the new relationship. Leave the room before this happens and take some time alone to feel out what is going on inside.
Continuation of Practice. When you find yourself in a loving relationship and you’ve gotten through the sometimes rocky “coupling phase” realize that your need for control can still be damaging. Directing, warning, blaming, instructing, and criticizing him are all ways that we accidentally emasculate our men on a daily basis in ways that are slowly damaging to the relationship and his level of attraction toward you.
When on the road to finding love, it is your job to surround yourself with new energies and explore. After that it is your job to learn to receive, be present, and show appreciation for his efforts to get to know you. Overworking on your part can damage the polarity necessary for the union to flow. If he is not flowing toward you, do not push it. Do not try to row the boat upstream. Wait for someone who is flowing toward you and who will give you the love and adoration that you’ve always dreamed of.
Megan Weks is an international dating and relationship expert who specializes in helping women get the admiration they deserve from men, and to keep it. She is a certified specialist in her field, but one of her biggest credentials is her personal story. Living in New York City for over a decade, Megan has had the opportunity to meet and date many different men. Through working with a relationship guru, she literally changed from crumb-picking and obsessing over men who didn’t deserve her, to being called a “man whisperer” who men (including her now-husband) would never leave. Megan’s career is devoted to helping women who struggle with the men in their lives, to turn it all around and keep the men they desire. Megan coaches individual women in intense programs with her proven Lean Back for Love System and principles. She also runs a private online woman’s discussion group where women are supported with these principles. You can connect with her on her website www.meganweks.com. LVBX readers are also eligible to receive a complimentary feminine energy mini-session. Reach out to her on Twitter or Facebook, and subscribe to her LVBX LIVE videos and join her Facebook group Meet, Attract, and Marry Your Soulmate Now.
Megan’s Philosophy: Lean Back (definition) – The posture of a fully self-actualized woman, which allows men and their energies to flow toward her. She is focused on herself and her life as an individual, in preparation and willingness to receive her greatest love in return.